I should be fired as a blogger. Seriously. Oh well, for those who might actually stumbled upon this, or happen to give me one last chance on an update… here it is.
This past year has been a doozy, in all sorts of good and ‘challenging’ ways. I wouldn’t call the difficult portions ‘bad’, only because that which has hurt and or frustrated me has brought me to the place where I am today. A place from which I’m able to view with a profound sense of contentment and gratefulness.
As 2008 started, I was emotionally caught in a place of stubborn hope, yet laced with a deep dread of loss. In short, what I thought was a relational fairy tale coming true ended up crushing my heart. It took me some time before the waves of emotions subsided, slowly easing into a gently lapping of water upon the shore, and has now settled into a peaceful place that only time and a gracious God can bring. While I am still blindfolded in this area of my life, I trustfully place my hand in the Lord’s and step willingly behind Him as He guides.
My job at the ranch is continuing to grow – taking on new responsibilities, tackling creative organizational areas, expanding my desire to cultivate and simplify this ministry, and doing it all while learning to love others more. Which translates out into looking to other’s needs before my own ‘to-do list demands’. I see this becoming a long-term thing, more so than I have before.
The cozy little house in town that I’ve resided in for the past year and nine months has morphed into a country home with 5 acres, 4 roommates, 3 horses, 2 dogs, 1 cat and a need to change the irrigation. I’m just starting settling into this new place and am looking forward to curling up by the wood fireplace when the snow starts falling outside. The 3 mile commute to work aint bad either. (Although the scurrying of a rodent in my ceiling doesn’t always give me sweet dreams.)
My community has blessed me beyond what I thought possible. Not only do I work with amazing people, who truly do desire to allow for each other’s faults, but many have become such close sisters to me. I wasn’t sure such camaraderie was possible. I live with 4 of these girls and can only anticipate the stories that will come out of this. I’ve also branched out a bit and started attending a Community Group with my church. Although the first night, while walking up the driveway, I was thinking, ‘Why do I torture myself so?’, I have found it easy to be myself within this group of people and am starting to build friendships there as well.
As the season changes, I anticipate what will be next. I can only imagine that it will bring it’s own joys and challenges, but I know that I have been prepared for whatever is before me.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Ecola Reunion
Seven years after our time at the beach, 8 of the 'Anchorage Girls' were able to gather at Cannon Beach for the Ecola reunion. It was as if we had all lived next to each other just a month previous. Conversations, memories and laughter filled the entire weekend. It truly was an all-girls weekend, as three of the girls now have daughters as well.
The girls from room 125 are multiplying... Nora and Annabelle join Bethany, Joy, Amelia and I.
Bethany - my big sister!
At the conference center - we had a great time catching up with Dave Duff (the school's director) and Tina, our old Dean of Women.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Slideshow of the Summer
This summer has been a phenomenal one – packed with all sorts of adventures and crazy things that the Lord is doing. I’m overwhelmed most days with gratitude and joy with all that He has allowed in my life and what He is working out day by day. Here are a few visuals of Summer 2007:
I've had the opportunity to spend time with and invest in the girls who are here volunteering for the summer. Each Tuesday morning I am able to 'steal them away' and it may be the highlight of my whole week. I've learned so much through them and feel so priveledged that God has placed them in my life this summer. They are set apart and truly seeking after the Lord, a beautiful thing.
On a beautiful day in June, a handful of us scaled the mountiantop known as South Sister. It is one of the peaks viewed from the ranch and one that I would never have dreamed of climbing a couple years ago. Looking at the summit from the land below - it almost seems impossible. There was quite a few times on the ascent when I would pause, look up at the steps yet to be taken, and wonder how I was actually going to make it to the top. But by placed one foot in front of the other (although they were tiny steps most of the time), we all made it up. You can climb 'mountains' one step at a time.
Kim & Troy took some of us down to Redding, CA for some down time... it was an amazing weekend. Full of hiking, gold-panning, lake floating & innertubing, and time spend with the One who pursues me. I so dearly love the people that God has placed in my life and the opportunity to spend quality time building one another up.
Definitely the best weekend of the entire summer so far was one spent camping on the coast. We stopped by Multnomah Falls and Cannon Beach (two of my favorite places in all of Oregon) before ending up at South Beach, near Newport. We constructed a little tent city, just a short walk from the beach. Words can not describe what the Lord spoke into my being during that time. He is undeniably cementing His love deep within my heart.I’m so grateful to be able to rest in the shadow of the Almighty, as He crafts something beautiful out of my frailty.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Endurance
In a crush of over 5,000 entrants, we anxiously anticipated the start gun. Bib numbers in place, hydration goo in pockets, iPod’s sending world-conquering music through earbuds.
I’ve never been much of a runner; I always preferred to be atop a cantering horse rather than expending that energy myself. In high school lacrosse, I did do quite a bit of wearing out my cleats, but that was mostly quick sprints of running a ball down to a teammate. Endurance really wasn’t needed that much.
About six months ago, a few of the girls at the ranch were throwing around the idea of running a marathon. At first I just kinda chuckled at them and told them I would be cheering them on at the finish line. But as the idea turned more concrete, I got to thinking, “Why not? I did run a 5K last year and finished that strong… 26.2 miles? Sure, no problem!” Well, maybe that wasn’t exactly what was running through my head, but the excitement of the endurance from the other girls challenged me to join in. And it can be hard for me to back down from a challenge at times.
The training was slated for three days a week – two short runs during the week and an increasingly longer run on Saturdays. But between my busy schedule and ailing knees (dang IT band tendon!), I missed a lot of the training. I knew there was no way that I would be able to run the full course, but I signed up for a half-marathon. Still 13.1 miles – not exactly a jog in the park.
Three weeks before the race in Eugene, Oregon, my right foot decided to gang up on me as well. Not wanting to train on an injured foot, I tried to heal up for a full week before resuming my long runs. But it wasn’t healing very quickly. It ended up that I didn’t run at all for three weeks before the half-marathon. And the furthest distance that I had trained for was 7 miles.
There were 6 other runners from the ranch – 4 running the full marathon and three of us signed up for the half. As I lined up at the starting area with the rest of our team, I figured I would run as long possible (probably about 9 miles or so) and then cross the finish line at a walk.
My friend & roommate, Laurie, and I settled into a good pace together. One by one, the miles passed by. Around mile 6, I turned to Laurie and asked how she was feeling. She also had some injuries and her physical therapist had told her to be really careful with how far she pushed her body. She said she was feeling good, so we continued to move along with the mass of people straining towards the finish.
I’ve never been much of a runner; I always preferred to be atop a cantering horse rather than expending that energy myself. In high school lacrosse, I did do quite a bit of wearing out my cleats, but that was mostly quick sprints of running a ball down to a teammate. Endurance really wasn’t needed that much.
About six months ago, a few of the girls at the ranch were throwing around the idea of running a marathon. At first I just kinda chuckled at them and told them I would be cheering them on at the finish line. But as the idea turned more concrete, I got to thinking, “Why not? I did run a 5K last year and finished that strong… 26.2 miles? Sure, no problem!” Well, maybe that wasn’t exactly what was running through my head, but the excitement of the endurance from the other girls challenged me to join in. And it can be hard for me to back down from a challenge at times.
The training was slated for three days a week – two short runs during the week and an increasingly longer run on Saturdays. But between my busy schedule and ailing knees (dang IT band tendon!), I missed a lot of the training. I knew there was no way that I would be able to run the full course, but I signed up for a half-marathon. Still 13.1 miles – not exactly a jog in the park.
Three weeks before the race in Eugene, Oregon, my right foot decided to gang up on me as well. Not wanting to train on an injured foot, I tried to heal up for a full week before resuming my long runs. But it wasn’t healing very quickly. It ended up that I didn’t run at all for three weeks before the half-marathon. And the furthest distance that I had trained for was 7 miles.
There were 6 other runners from the ranch – 4 running the full marathon and three of us signed up for the half. As I lined up at the starting area with the rest of our team, I figured I would run as long possible (probably about 9 miles or so) and then cross the finish line at a walk.
My friend & roommate, Laurie, and I settled into a good pace together. One by one, the miles passed by. Around mile 6, I turned to Laurie and asked how she was feeling. She also had some injuries and her physical therapist had told her to be really careful with how far she pushed her body. She said she was feeling good, so we continued to move along with the mass of people straining towards the finish.
My body and spirit felt energized until about mile 8 or so, and then it all started to go away. Near the start of the race I had laughed at the slogan on a runner’s shirt, “If you start to feel good while running, don’t worry, it will pass.” This was now becoming a reality as both of my knees were starting to scream at me. Just past mile 9, I felt something in my left foot kinda twinge. I knew that if I stopped now, I wouldn’t start up a run again. I also knew that if I continued to run, I was going to be hurting real bad. But having come this far, I wasn’t about to give up yet.
One foot in front of the other. A teammate by my side. Encouraging cheers from strangers on the sidelines. All these things combined to press me forward. As Laurie and I passed the mile 12 sign, we picked up the pace just a bit and finished our race in less than 2 ½ hours.
Tears started streaming down my face as we rounded that last corner and the finish line came into sight. I’m not sure if they were tears of exhaustion, pain, or relief, but it is such a breathtaking thing when you achieve something that had seemed impossible. I am fine with never running that far again, but am also so thankful to have accomplished this goal.
One foot in front of the other. A teammate by my side. Encouraging cheers from strangers on the sidelines. All these things combined to press me forward. As Laurie and I passed the mile 12 sign, we picked up the pace just a bit and finished our race in less than 2 ½ hours.
Tears started streaming down my face as we rounded that last corner and the finish line came into sight. I’m not sure if they were tears of exhaustion, pain, or relief, but it is such a breathtaking thing when you achieve something that had seemed impossible. I am fine with never running that far again, but am also so thankful to have accomplished this goal.
All of us finished our races that day. Each girl with a teammate by their side. How immensely proud I am of each of them. (Even if we did look like a special needs groups afterwards - with all the limping and hobbling!)
Saturday, April 14, 2007
notes from all over
- Whew, life has been building momentum lately… which doesn’t afford me much down time to reflect and write. I need more down time! But then I get bored… I’m so confusing sometimes. Here are a few smatterings of life lately:
The ranch aired on Dobson for the second time and has sent my little office into a whirlwind. Good stuff, just a lot of it. 12 hour work days can be a bit exhausting. I am SO thankful for 3 day weekends. When I get them that is – there have been quite a few weekend days spend playing catch-up lately.
The ranch has also opened for the start of my third season down here. It’s hard to believe at times that I’ve been here for so long already. It is WONDERFUL having the kids back! I’m anticipating some big things this year as far as life-change goes.
I got to hang out with my parents in Portland for a day a couple weeks ago. I miss those people.
Training for my half-marathon has come to a bit of a stand still. Partly because my knee and foot have decided to gang up on me and partly because I take that as an excuse not to run for 2 weeks. I need to be all healed up, right?? Only 2 more weeks to go and 13 miles are looming in front of me.
Hawaii is right around the corner! It’s seriously hard to believe that I will be in the tropics in just a couple weeks. We’ve been planning and waiting for this for so long, but it hasn’t really sunk in. But I did find a cute dress to wear while we are there. J
There are currently 14 teenage girls sleeping in my living room. We invited our SAGE (Seeking After God Entirely) teenage girls group to hang out, eat way too much pizza, talk really loud and a whole lot, and it’s been a hoot. These girls are awesome and I love spending time with them, but they do tire me out a bit. I’m feeling old.
Time for bed… in just a couple hours I will be waking up to feed a hungry army. Hmm, waffles!
Sunday, February 11, 2007
The wonder...
In quiet, uninterrupted moments, my heart relaxes and sighs in contemplation and reflection. In the majesty of creation, my spirit swells in wonder and anticipation. The two came together last week on an early morning on the summit of Smith Rock.
The climb up Misery Ridge was filled with stopping points to catch my breath and slow my heavily beating heart. Being somewhat in shape from marathon training did little to hasten my ascend. As I reached what I believed had to be the summit, I was discouraged to find the directional sign proclaiming that I had progressed only half-way up the trail. My determination wavered between pressing on or just concluding my upward journey where I stood. But the competitive nature of my spirit would not let me finish my expedition there. I had a goal in mind and I hadn’t come this far just to wimp out.
As I continued my hike, the trail before me became a meandering path through windblown juniper trees and shrubbery. A short minute later, it took me around to the other side of the rock to reveal the magnificent stretch of mountains that are trademark to Central Oregon. I realized that the remainder of the trail on the map was a descent towards the river that meanders around the State Park. Climbing up just a little higher to the pinnacle of a large rock, I was just about on the highest point around, a breathtaking view in all directions.
As I sat, soaking up the beauty and tranquility, I was so thankful for my earlier decision to press on. It made me wonder how often I give up on what seems too difficult, only to have abandoned an amazing moment or blessing that was just around the corner. I don’t want to live life in mediocrity, only venturing out when it seems easy or convenient. I desire to fully live this adventure that Christ has laid out before me, trials and all.
God met me in that place, further deepening this romance that He is cultivating between the two of us. He calls to me and when I respond to His voice, it is a beautiful and mysterious thing.
The climb up Misery Ridge was filled with stopping points to catch my breath and slow my heavily beating heart. Being somewhat in shape from marathon training did little to hasten my ascend. As I reached what I believed had to be the summit, I was discouraged to find the directional sign proclaiming that I had progressed only half-way up the trail. My determination wavered between pressing on or just concluding my upward journey where I stood. But the competitive nature of my spirit would not let me finish my expedition there. I had a goal in mind and I hadn’t come this far just to wimp out.
As I continued my hike, the trail before me became a meandering path through windblown juniper trees and shrubbery. A short minute later, it took me around to the other side of the rock to reveal the magnificent stretch of mountains that are trademark to Central Oregon. I realized that the remainder of the trail on the map was a descent towards the river that meanders around the State Park. Climbing up just a little higher to the pinnacle of a large rock, I was just about on the highest point around, a breathtaking view in all directions.
As I sat, soaking up the beauty and tranquility, I was so thankful for my earlier decision to press on. It made me wonder how often I give up on what seems too difficult, only to have abandoned an amazing moment or blessing that was just around the corner. I don’t want to live life in mediocrity, only venturing out when it seems easy or convenient. I desire to fully live this adventure that Christ has laid out before me, trials and all.
God met me in that place, further deepening this romance that He is cultivating between the two of us. He calls to me and when I respond to His voice, it is a beautiful and mysterious thing.
Monday, January 29, 2007
...tea for two...
I have become a tea drinker. Who would have ever thought I would like this somewhat flavored water stuff… but I’ve finally converted. Oh, I still have my cup of coffee in the morning, but these cold winter months have convinced me that a warm decaffeinated beverage in the afternoons or evenings is a good thing. Plus, if you’re meeting people at a coffee shop to hang out, it helps out your bank account. And you feel more thoughtful and pensive, too, I guess. I’m learning to really enjoy slowing down and learning how to breathe. Guess the tea theme fits right into that.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
[Saturday mornings]
I love relaxing mornings off where I can sit in my favorite recliner (an old blue worn-leather chair that plugs into the wall… yep, an electric recliner, it’s pretty sweet.), savor a cup of coffee, and ponder the thoughts and whispers of my heart. I’m such an introvert in that I really recharge by being quiet. I love people and friends and spending good times together (like last night, hanging out with the clan down at McMenamins), but I really get refreshed by taking a few calm moments to listen to the inner-thoughts of my heart, that so often get shoved to the side in the to-do lists of life.
Someday I want to build a house and include this quiet morning place into the blueprints.
Someday I want to build a house and include this quiet morning place into the blueprints.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
In Pursuit of Balance
Sometimes this life gets going at such a crazy speed; my little brain feels like it can’t take it anymore.
I had a wonderful time at home for Christmas, enjoying lots of food and football with my dad. Catching up with old friends in our old hometown, and driving to Bellingham, Canada & Seattle to see many other precious friends. Life was at a good speed, maybe even a little slow.
I’ve been home for just under a week and have felt shot out of a cannon. Four days later, I’ve finally answered all the emails sitting in my inbox, waiting for me. Meetings, appointments, to-do lists abound.
Tonight was the first evening that I’ve actually done more than just sleep at my house. I’ve been out and about every other night. Mostly good stuff, but I’ve come to realize I do so much better when I’ve had some quiet down time. I’m very much an introvert in that way – I recharge by being quiet (& sometimes alone).
The crushing speed and demands of life made me feel a little overwhelmed and unbalanced today. As much as I really do enjoy my job, I desire a time in life where I don’t have to work so that I can continue to have a warm place to sleep and food in the fridge. Will I ever have the opportunity to make a home for a family? To keep a cozy and clean house? Cook meals for loved ones? Or at least have the time to make it to the grocery store before 8 p.m.? Some days it feels like such a far off dream. But I’m holding onto that dream and trying to learn how to stay balanced in the craziness that is called life. I really don’t think it is ever going to slow down.
I had a wonderful time at home for Christmas, enjoying lots of food and football with my dad. Catching up with old friends in our old hometown, and driving to Bellingham, Canada & Seattle to see many other precious friends. Life was at a good speed, maybe even a little slow.
I’ve been home for just under a week and have felt shot out of a cannon. Four days later, I’ve finally answered all the emails sitting in my inbox, waiting for me. Meetings, appointments, to-do lists abound.
Tonight was the first evening that I’ve actually done more than just sleep at my house. I’ve been out and about every other night. Mostly good stuff, but I’ve come to realize I do so much better when I’ve had some quiet down time. I’m very much an introvert in that way – I recharge by being quiet (& sometimes alone).
The crushing speed and demands of life made me feel a little overwhelmed and unbalanced today. As much as I really do enjoy my job, I desire a time in life where I don’t have to work so that I can continue to have a warm place to sleep and food in the fridge. Will I ever have the opportunity to make a home for a family? To keep a cozy and clean house? Cook meals for loved ones? Or at least have the time to make it to the grocery store before 8 p.m.? Some days it feels like such a far off dream. But I’m holding onto that dream and trying to learn how to stay balanced in the craziness that is called life. I really don’t think it is ever going to slow down.
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