Chapter's Introduction

Life seems to follow wherever you roam. New adventures always come accompanied by you and usually a few other flawed humans – which usually means that this grand new journey that you have set out on will become somewhat flawed as well. At least a bit skewed from what you were expecting.

I have been terrible lately at recording some of my thoughts and days and I think it is the same as a friend has described – life has become so very full of the doing, the being has not had time to catch up.

In these last two months of this new chapter, life has been full to the brim of the unexpected, the planned, hopes and dreams starting to become fulfilled, desires and wishes dashed or delayed, closeness and distance, and everything in between. All in all, very full.

There have been definite moments when my brain and heart are screaming out, “Why the heck are you here?!?” But overall, there have been so many confirmations that here is exactly where I am supposed to be. I may not understand it all, but I have a very good God who is lovingly guiding me.

One of these confirmations and blessings came yesterday evening as I was making dinner. Our back door opened and in stepped a vessel of God in the form of one of the volunteers at the ranch. She was carrying a box of bulk groceries from Costco – and the additional boxes were overflowing in the back of her car. She knew the three of us girls who have recently moved into this house are all living on shoestring budgets (the beauty of working for a non-profit ministry) and just wanted to bless us by bringing us a housewarming gift.

Not only could she not have known how perfect every item of food was for us, she also didn’t know the tension that grocery shopping has been lately. (I’ve been learning how ‘interesting’ it can be to live with someone who has just moved out for this first time.)

I stood there speechless as the food kept coming and coming – I couldn’t do anything but laugh. It was just one more way that God was telling me, “Look, I’ve got you – I know every concern and detail and am working everything together for good. Just be patient and trust wholly in me.”

The adventures will continue and life will inevitably be joyous and frustrating, but as this chapter’s introduction is being penned, I’m continuing to learn the life-long lesson of complete trust in such a faithful God.

Quick Jaunt in the Snow

As what I have come to hear is quite normal around this area, especially in the high desert, it has snowed this week quite a few times. It’s kind of weird to drive by the elementary school and see “Spring Break” on the billboard with everything blanketed with snow. I am so thankful for the snow tires that are still on my car.



This is Cappie. You can’t tell in this picture, but he was once mistaken for a pig by a little boy. He is what is known as an ‘easy keeper’ – it seems that whatever he eats goes straight to the girth of his gut.



Svara has quickly become one of my favorites. She has the sweetest personality, even though her trot has been compared to riding a pogo-stick.




This is one of our new little guys and has found a place in my heart very swiftly. He is quiet, inquisitive and very low to the ground. He has a little training in front of him before he will be put into the program, but I can see him becoming the first choice for many small children. His name took a little time to decide on, but we have finally dubbed him Buckshot.




Solstice got her name because she has seen the last of her darkest days. She was rescued and brought to the ranch in the middle of January. She has since gained a couple inches and over 100 pounds. Her withdrawn personality has quickly changed into a little spitfire. If you can believe it, she is a 2 year old Quarter Horse. She could easily be mistaken for a very sick 6 month old. But under some TLC, that is quickly being changed.

4 Weeks In

Whew – this last month have been a whirlwind of God’s provision. In only 4 weeks, I have found friends, 2 jobs, and a place to call my own.

In 8 days, a couple girls who also work at the ranch and I will be moving into a 3-bedroom bunkhouse that is just around the corner from the ranch. Goodbye 40 minute commute. Hello short little bike ride. My parents will be moving all my stuff that has been in storage down here next weekend and I will finally be able to settle in. (My parents are the best – I couldn’t ask for anything more in them.)

After what seemed like much deliberation and much pursuing by my part, Starbucks has decided that they can’t survive without me. It took them a little while to see how amazing I am, but they finally got it. I start there the beginning of April.

The same exact day that I start training at Sbux, the ranch officially opens for kids. (I’m foreseeing a very-exhausted Julie by the end of that day.) That is also the first day that I will be clocking in and out at the ranch – yep, they are officially hiring me.

It’s hard to believe at times that all of this has come together so beautifully. Such a confirmation that this is right where I am supposed to be.

Longings

I think I have the two week itch. Or homesickness is sinking in.

The first little bit of this new adventure has seemed a bit like a short-term missions trip. You go with the knowledge that God will be using you and making everything come together in His time, but now I’m feeling the need for familiarity and the comforts of home.

I want a good home-cooked meal (that wasn’t thrown together by me after a long exhausting day).

I want the closeness and comforts of family. People who know you through and through and love you regardless of your shortcomings.

I want those deep friendships, where you can call anytime and invite yourself over.

I want to look forward to my weekends, knowing that you’ll be doing something fun with friends, rather than wondering how the heck you are going to pass the time.

I want to drive on streets that I know like the back of my hand. A place where you don’t have to consult a map or drive around aimlessly for 15 minutes trying to figure out where you are.

I want my commute to work to be my nice little 2 mile hop, instead of a 45 mile roundtrip trek across the desert.

I know, just take one thing at a time, but I’m just a little tired of trying so hard right now.
***
Here’s how you know you’ve reached my street, just look for the overabundance of mailboxes:

Trust with a Shaky Hand

Anyone who has read Blue Like Jazz can probably figure out which chapter I just finished reading.
***
I don’t often make New Year’s resolutions, but my finances were so out of control in December of 2003, I vowed to create a budget and hold to it. No more use of my credit cards (especially on frivolous things like new shoes or a full-price movie with popcorn), No more overdraft fees at the bank because I didn’t keep track of all my debit receipts, no more waiting till the last minute to pay my bills, just barely slipping by without late charges.

I surprised myself by actually sticking to it. I itemized all of my expenses, with the monthly bills getting paid as soon as I got my paycheck deposited. But the one line item that always seemed to get shifted to other areas had the title of Tithe.

I don’t know why I have such a problem with giving back to God what is already His. I guess all the old lies that are fed to so many others are the ones that I believe too.

“It’s not really even that much, it’s not like the church is really going to suffer without my measly little amount.”
“I can barely get by as it is, how do you expect me to pay all my monthly bills without that money?”
“Well, I bought Susie a coffee last week, so that’s kind of like giving to charity, right? I mean, it’s helping the church, which is really the body…”

To be honest, that last one still gets me. I think I can justify a lot of things to make them seem legit. But really, when I bought that coffee, I wasn’t thinking of giving to the ‘church’, I was just spending money. Money that I didn’t necessarily have left in the Coffee Budget, so I just kind of ‘borrowed’ it from the Tithe Budget. But lately, God has really been nailing me about this area of my life.

In this recent step-out-in-faith time in my life, I have slowly been learning how to truly trust God for all of the details that I really don’t have a lot of control over. And I’ve stood back and have been amazed at how perfectly this journey is coming together for me. So many of the small things that I have been concerned about are all coming together as such a confirmation that I am right where the Lord wants me.

But He knows there is at least one area of trust that I am reluctant in. My finances. I know He is asking if I trust Him enough for all things that I would be obedient in the small amount that He is asking for back. I want to be, but I feel like I am tentatively holding that offering out to Him, but just close enough to me that I can snatch it back if I really start to sink. But that method didn’t work too well for Peter when he failed to trust the Lord when he was walking on the water, so I know it’s not going to work for me either.

The Lord hasn’t forgotten or forsaken me yet, so I don’t expect Him to do it anytime in the future. This is just one more step in following Him and relinquishing control.

Both Feet In

Well, here I am. It’s only been a little over a week after my going-away lunch at my old office and it feels like years ago already. I’m getting settled in here in my new life, but it feels so strange.

I made it down on Saturday and got somewhat settled. As much as you can when you are living with two people you don’t know. I’m learning how this situation works, but it will nice to get my own place, just for the sake of actually feeling at home. But I am also so very thankful that the Lord has provided this place for me to stay. (Except for the fact that I am living out in the sticks with only 1 bar of cell coverage, if I don't move around.)

I sat by the river on Sunday and just cried my eyes out. My parents had helped me move down and they had just left and I felt so very alone and scared. It has been awhile since I’ve been in a new town so very far away from home where I didn’t know anyone. I had forgotten how daunting it can be. But the foreboding feeling has quickly slipped away as I’ve gotten to know some people and jumped into things at the ranch. There were only about two days where I was seriously ready to just repack all my stuff and head home.

But the Lord is so good to me. I’ve only been at the ranch for three days of training so far, but am already feeling like this is going to be an amazing community. There may be a more permanent place to call home becoming reality in a few months, and I’m trusting God in His plan for a job. Two nights this week I’ve been invited to dinner at homes of the ranch staff. This is feeling more and more like I could call this place home soon.

This has definitely been an experiment in obedience for me and I know that there is still more to come. It can be a bit of a scary thing, but I know God’s plans are more than I could even ask or imagine, so I’m ready to trust Him for them.

Running Late

I know, I know, I've been a pathetic excuse of a writer lately. Just a few things going on in my life. I'm hoping to have a little time and inspiration coming shortly.

Today's the big day - I'm moving south. I won't go into all the mixed emotions I've been having lately (I'll save all that for another day), but I woke up thinking, "Um, no, actually, I don't think I want to move. Forget that I am currently unemployed here, I've said good-bye to everyone save one, the car is packed to the gills with my junk. I think I will just stay put." I've learned to not listen to that voice in the mornings when I first wake up. It's usually the same one that says, "Wake up to go to work? Nah, just stay in your nice toasty bed for a little while longer... zzz."

But regardless, here I go. Prayers would be appreciated. Updates soon to follow (if I can find a wireless internet connection).

Looking forward and then bringing it back

Another Valentines Day that, to the world’s standards, wasn’t quite up to par. It was most evident when I stopped by the grocery store after work to pick up a few things to make enchiladas with my brother. Every other male in the place had a bouquet of flowers in his hand. None for me. But you know what, that is okay. Instead of crying in my cereal (because I’m not a big fan of cereal anyway) that there isn’t someone to spoil me with roses and chocolates and to whisper sweet nothings in my ear, I continue to look forward with hope, trusting in the knowledge that Christ sees my heart. He knows my prayers that no one else has access to. I believe He loves me more than I can even fathom, so I’ll trust in His timing and plans. I’m just being to discover how sweet they are.

I did think back on a Valentines Day approximately 16 years ago. I was in 1st grade and was one of those girls who spent hours hand-crafting Valentines for every student in my class. No store-bought ones for me!

The next day as I was going around the room passing out my little tokens of love, I realized that I had missed one. The night before as I was writing each name on the frilly paper hearts, I thought I had accounted for everyone. But I had forgotten one name. I felt utterly crushed inside. I don’t even think he noticed, but I did. And to this day, I still remember his name… Patrick.

So, my Valentines advice: don’t forget people, it might be ingrained in your memory forever. And avoid grocery stores too.

Good-bye Desk Job

Congratulations to Natalie for scoring the much sought after position that I will be leaving in exactly 8 business days. Many happy copier-jam-free days to you! :) Seriously, you get to work with some great people (2 of them being directly related to you), take good care of Peter and Michelle for me.

Here are some pictures from this past weekend. I would definitely categorize it in the more random weekends that I have had, but it was a good one too.

Stacey and I headed over to Seattle (we barely made the ferry, thanks to a slowpoke with California plates, but what else is new?), met up with Corey and had some grub at The Old Spaghetti Factory. Yum!


Then we headed over to the Freemont District to attend an alternative worship service. Very artsy and different from the norm, but it was great. There was a little dancing afterwards too. :)



Stace and I then headed out with Bethany (who we had just met) to a friend of her’s place for a little karaoke action. I sadly didn’t get any pictures of the off-key fun. (Thanks, Bethany, for having us – it was a blast!)

There is one more thing to check off the life’s list: sing horribly at karaoke in front of people you just met half an hour ago.



Yep, the escapades of Stacey & Julie, you just never quite know what fun we’ll have next.