Typical

I was going through some files at work, doing some cleaning up. I browsed through some pictures from the Internship days… when I helped to lead a college-age ministry training center. Those were the good ol’ days. I came across these pictures:

You know you live in Seattle when you take your whole posse of girls in a 15 passenger van through the drive-up espresso stand.

No Turning Back

My plans are now officially official.

I turned in my resignation on Friday and felt surprisingly nervous about it. As confident as I was about my decision, it’s hard to let go of what you have. Although I may not feel challenged in my job, or alive in my current pursuits, they are still easy and right in front of me. I don’t need to stretch out and grab them, they are within my arm’s reach.

But as soon as those doubts assail me, they are whisked away by the knowledge of how God has been preparing me for this change. And also that He will be walking in front, beside, and behind me the entire way.

I sat down with my boss (who is also one of my closest friend’s mom), and told her my plans and gave my notice. After I was able to share my story of how this all came about, she asked to pray for me and started to get choked up. It has been such an amazing thing to work in an environment that has been so encouraging and uplifting.

I made the announcement to the rest of the staff today in our Staff Meeting and was greeted with warm smiles and encouraging nods as I looked around the table. I know that as much as they hate to see me go, they are behind me completely.

But now there is no turning back! Yikes, here I go!

Blown Away

That’s what I am right now. Completely blown away.

I’ve watched for the last two weeks as God has been orchestrating this new journey for me, He has been hand-crafting it to fit the desires, talents, and concerns that I have.

I talked with a friend of a friend the other night who lives in Bend and worked at Crystal Peaks for awhile. She sounds like an awesome girl and told me to give her a call when I get into town and she will show me around. And I was worried that I didn’t know a soul down there.

I got an email two days ago from the ranch’s volunteer coordinator who I’ve been communicating with for the last two weeks to see if I could come down and interview for a part-time admin position. I have so much experience with that, I think it would be a perfect fit. Plus, their starting pay is so good for a non-profit. And I was worried about finding a job.

I just got the confirmation that I am able to stay rent-free with a lady who supports the ranch until I get settled. And I was worried that I didn’t have a place to live.

From the very beginning I felt like this was something I was supposed to do. I took the first step by visiting this place, and ever since then, doors have been opening left and right. I’ve never been in the situation where I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this is where I am supposed to go. It brings such confidence and assurance.

It also makes me wonder why I haven’t trusted and relied more fully on God before. That’s something that is going to change!

Jeremiah 32:27 – “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is there any thing too hard for me?”

1 John 5:14-15 – This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.

Surrounded by Love’s

Family – there’s nothing that is really like it. They can either be your biggest allies, or your most painful heartbreakers.

While my family is certainly not perfect, I can’t imagine life without them. Today was one of those days where I felt so incredibly blessed to have these three special people in my life.

I said goodbye to my cat today. I sat outside in the freezing cold in my p.j.’s, tears streaming down my face as I spent a few last moments with her. I think she must have sensed something was wrong, because she stayed by my side for quite a while. As ridiculous as it sounds to be grieving so much over the loss of an animal, it hit me really hard. I’ve always know it would, it’s just a little hard to believe that she is now gone.

I sat in our living room with sobs racking my body as my mom drove out of the driveway to take my kitty to the vet. My brother was in the backyard digging up the frozen ground. When my mom returned, with a small cardboard ‘casket’, my dad put her into the hole and shoveled the dirt on top.

I sat and watched while crying, but also feeling so thankful, through the pain, for this family that God has given me.

We spent the entire rest of the day together – something that is incredibly rare. We went out to lunch, spend some time at Barnes & Noble browsing through some books and sitting in the café together having coffee, and then went to go see a movie. It was a really good day, as hard as it started.

I came home, checked my email, and found a new mail message. The ranch wants me down there the beginning of March. That’s in 6 weeks! A mixture of exhilaration and panic immediately filled me as I rushed down the hall to share my news. Their reactions were a mix of encouragement and sorrow. I know they are excited about this possibility for me, but they hate to see their ‘little girl’ go… again.

Regardless that my day was such a crazy mix of emotions, I’ve realized once again that the one constant is my family. Sure, there will be many more times when we don’t see eye to eye, or we’ll get in petty little fights, but I know that they would die for me, and that’s a great realization to have. I truly felt their arms wrap around me today, literally and figuratively.

Don't Blink Now

You know how the weather around the world has been kind of on the crazy side? A surprisingly dry winter in the Pacific Northwest, snow in Texas, hurricanes in Florida, earthquakes and tsunamis in Asia, mudslides in California? It’s kind of like everything is coming to a head, and my life was feeling the same way on Wednesday.

I’m usually pretty good at multitasking and handling many large things at once, but the day was too much even for me.

First on the list – my car. What I thought might be just a simple front end alignment has turned out to be $1600 worth of damage. I’ve never had an accident before, and I’ve never had to deal with insurance claims, so I am learning much about that right now. I’m currently driving my little brother’s truck, so at least I have transportation, but I will be so thankful to get my little car back.

My pastor, whose family I am very close with also, has been long trying to set me up with someone. He finally somewhat succeeded and I went out with this guy on Monday. We had a nice time over coffee and he’s taking me out again on Friday, but I’m not so sure about this whole thing. I know I’m kind of on the picky side, but God knows that too and I’m confident that He has someone for me that will be a great match. I just don’t think I’ve found it yet.

I received an email response back from the ranch that sounds very promising. I still need to get some of the details worked out, but things are definitely looking good and moving forward in that regard.

I got home from work on Wednesday to come to the conclusion that it’s time to put my cat to sleep. She is almost 16, and is having some problems. For those of you who aren’t cat people, you may be thinking, “Good riddance. One less cat in the world.” But I have had her since I was about 6 or so. She was always the one to come and snuggle with me when I was crying and was my only ally when I was a teenager, angry at the whole world.

I sat in my room afterwards just sobbing. The kind of crying where you just feel like you are going to be sick. The cat thing alone was enough to make me cry, but everything together was just too much. I was lying curled in a ball on the floor crying out to God, saying, “Not one more thing, I can’t handle it. I’m experiencing every emotion known to man and my mind and body are just going to shut down if one more thing, good or bad, happens. I know you say you won’t give me more than I can handle, but I think I’ve reached my limit. I know you want me to cast all my cares on you, and I’m trying, but I’m just about spent.”

The really crazy thing was that at the same time, I was thinking, “I truly feel alive at this moment.” Pain, confusion, happiness, emotions signifies that you are alive. It’s more alive than I’ve felt in the past 6 months. Going through my motions of life just feels dead to me. God is doing something big, and is preparing me for it. The enemy doesn’t want it to happen and it throwing every trick in the book at me right now. As much as I hate that, I also see God working at combating them, even though that means I’m getting put through the wringer a little right now.

It is now a couple days later and I’ve had time to process everything and am doing much better, but life is still a bit on the crazy side. It doesn’t look like it is really going to let up anytime soon. Especially if this thing with the ranch works out, there will be many more changes coming up. Whew, I better get prepared!

Good night? It's still up in the air...

Steph and I had a great time last night – a night out in Seattle. We had a fabulous dinner at the Palomino followed by The Lion King at the Paramount Theatre. It was incredible – the costumes and sets were pretty amazing, so creative.

I love going to the theatre – it makes me feel so cultured. I’m really not, but I can fake it alright for a bit. Long enough to enjoy some of the stage, that is.

I was also reminded that it’s always an adventure when Steph and I are together. We started out by wondering around the city for a bit. Seattle’s streets are a little on the crazy side – good luck trying to find your way around if you are from out of town. But after asking 4 different people for directions, we managed to make our reservations at the restaurant and also be seated before the show began.

Afterwards, we made our way back to the ferry terminal only to find out we had just missed the boat and had to wait over an hour for the next one. On to more wondering of the streets… We didn’t head too far though (not too smart for two girls at night), just down to the Ivar’s Fish & Chip stand for something to drink.

When we finally landed on our side of the water and headed back into Poulsbo, we discovered it had been snowing over there. I had almost delivered Steph safely home, but that was before my car decided to have a mind of its own and slam me into the sidewalk just two houses down from hers. It was a sad moment. I have decided that I hate snow. And I want to move somewhere that has snow all winter? Ha! We’ll see how that goes – I may stay in my house all winter!

Here’s to good friends who are great adventure-pals, those who rescue you when you don’t have a drivable car, and to future studded snow tires!

New Day

Yes! Finally my little bro is growing up enough to start buying good music, so that I can delight in it as well! That along with stealing Stacey's music collection, and I am the happy owner of some sweet new tunes. So many songs, so little time.

Work is back to normal today - people are actually there and being productive, not just wasting time and watching the clock as almost everyone else is taking crazy amounts of holiday time. Oh wait, maybe that was just me. In any case, I now feel slightly motivated to get some stuff done, especially since I have some deadlines looming. I get rather slack during the holidays at the office, things slow way down and there doesn't seem much point to work very hard. It doesn't help that I am already feel 'short-timers' disease. I'm ready to move on.

The weather is amazing right now - the air is chilly, but it's so clear out with the sun shining brightly. I took a little run after work with my dog in tow. As we approached the downtown area of the quaint Norwegian town that I live in, it was getting pretty dark. I sat down at the waterfront marina watching the last slivers of light fade behind the mountains. I truly live in such a breathtaking place. I was consciously soaking it in, burning that memory into my mind to take it with me as I go on. This place will always be home to me. The place where you feel yourself relax just bit more as you drive into town. I will miss it, but I also know that new adventures await just around the bend.