Don't Blink Now

You know how the weather around the world has been kind of on the crazy side? A surprisingly dry winter in the Pacific Northwest, snow in Texas, hurricanes in Florida, earthquakes and tsunamis in Asia, mudslides in California? It’s kind of like everything is coming to a head, and my life was feeling the same way on Wednesday.

I’m usually pretty good at multitasking and handling many large things at once, but the day was too much even for me.

First on the list – my car. What I thought might be just a simple front end alignment has turned out to be $1600 worth of damage. I’ve never had an accident before, and I’ve never had to deal with insurance claims, so I am learning much about that right now. I’m currently driving my little brother’s truck, so at least I have transportation, but I will be so thankful to get my little car back.

My pastor, whose family I am very close with also, has been long trying to set me up with someone. He finally somewhat succeeded and I went out with this guy on Monday. We had a nice time over coffee and he’s taking me out again on Friday, but I’m not so sure about this whole thing. I know I’m kind of on the picky side, but God knows that too and I’m confident that He has someone for me that will be a great match. I just don’t think I’ve found it yet.

I received an email response back from the ranch that sounds very promising. I still need to get some of the details worked out, but things are definitely looking good and moving forward in that regard.

I got home from work on Wednesday to come to the conclusion that it’s time to put my cat to sleep. She is almost 16, and is having some problems. For those of you who aren’t cat people, you may be thinking, “Good riddance. One less cat in the world.” But I have had her since I was about 6 or so. She was always the one to come and snuggle with me when I was crying and was my only ally when I was a teenager, angry at the whole world.

I sat in my room afterwards just sobbing. The kind of crying where you just feel like you are going to be sick. The cat thing alone was enough to make me cry, but everything together was just too much. I was lying curled in a ball on the floor crying out to God, saying, “Not one more thing, I can’t handle it. I’m experiencing every emotion known to man and my mind and body are just going to shut down if one more thing, good or bad, happens. I know you say you won’t give me more than I can handle, but I think I’ve reached my limit. I know you want me to cast all my cares on you, and I’m trying, but I’m just about spent.”

The really crazy thing was that at the same time, I was thinking, “I truly feel alive at this moment.” Pain, confusion, happiness, emotions signifies that you are alive. It’s more alive than I’ve felt in the past 6 months. Going through my motions of life just feels dead to me. God is doing something big, and is preparing me for it. The enemy doesn’t want it to happen and it throwing every trick in the book at me right now. As much as I hate that, I also see God working at combating them, even though that means I’m getting put through the wringer a little right now.

It is now a couple days later and I’ve had time to process everything and am doing much better, but life is still a bit on the crazy side. It doesn’t look like it is really going to let up anytime soon. Especially if this thing with the ranch works out, there will be many more changes coming up. Whew, I better get prepared!