I love this season – the joy that is felt in giving gifts, hot drinks sipped with good friends, beautiful decorations and the reminder of the paramount event that took place over 2000 years ago.
I am sitting in my room, snuggled up in my new wool blanket. The sounds of Pac-Man float in from the living room, where my roommate is attempting to beat her own high score on her new acquired Atari game. The smell of evergreen once graced our apartment, but that died out too soon.
My two roommates and I purchased a bushy little Noble tree we named Herbert, only for him to meet his demise a week and a half later. It wasn’t due to a lack of water, as he was replenished whenever he needed it. Rather, he was baked to death. Something was wrong with the furnace downstairs (we have no control over the heat; we get whatever drifts up from downstairs) and it felt like a sauna in our tiny little living quarters for a while there. Thankfully it is now fixed and we are no longer hallucinating of the tropics in the summertime. We are no longer boiling in our sleep, but Herbert didn’t make it.
Nevertheless, we didn’t let that dampen our holiday spirit. There are paper snowflakes hanging from the ceiling mimicking the real ones outside, and stockings hung with cheer. Gingerbread cookies and peppermint chocolates were made and devoured, and Roommate Christmas is happening tonight (dessert at a fun restaurant and gift exchange).
I have only a few more days until I fly home for two weeks as well. I am looking forward to this much-needed trip home. Time spent with family and friends is so precious to me and I plan on savoring every moment. Many more Christmas memories are waiting to be made.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Rejoice Always
I’ve opted to skip Thanksgiving at home in order to spend two weeks during Christmas, which I am very much looking forward to.
But it was a good Turkey Day, regardless. A few girls from the ranch and I had dinner at the home of a friend of ours, someone who moved to Oregon from Chicago partly because of the ranch. It was a feast, not only for our taste buds and stomachs, but also in relationship. It is so good to cultivate friendships and then come together to celebrate them.
To sit around a beautiful and bountiful table, sipping on wine, sharing of who we are – it feels so good to relax and rejoice in the small things that we have to be thankful for.
Rejoice always, pray consistently, and be thankful in all circumstances.
But it was a good Turkey Day, regardless. A few girls from the ranch and I had dinner at the home of a friend of ours, someone who moved to Oregon from Chicago partly because of the ranch. It was a feast, not only for our taste buds and stomachs, but also in relationship. It is so good to cultivate friendships and then come together to celebrate them.
To sit around a beautiful and bountiful table, sipping on wine, sharing of who we are – it feels so good to relax and rejoice in the small things that we have to be thankful for.
Rejoice always, pray consistently, and be thankful in all circumstances.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Comforts of Home
I feel as though I am finally getting settled into my new home.
My two roommates and I were informed about two months ago that we were getting ‘kicked out’ of our wonderful 3 bedroom, 2 bath home. We had the option of moving upstairs to the tiny 2 shoebox-sized-bedroom, even tinier 1 bathroom apartment, though. We searched (in vain) for something that would actually have enough square-footage to house three of us, without living right on top of each other. But in the end, without any other options in sight, we boxed up everything only to move them 8 feet up. (Regardless of how far you move all of our belongings, it is still a pain.)
Of all the places that I have lived, I think this one has the most ‘quirky charm.’ But I guess we all go through those times in our lives that we will later look back on and just laugh at our living situations.
Our dining room is converted into a third bedroom, so at least we all have our own space. Although, space might be a generous term. My bedroom furniture is literally a puzzle that only has one solution. I tried a couple different options, but nothing else would work (unless I wanted to crawl over my bed to get to my closet, or not be able to shut my door, or have to maneuver a couple different items to open my dresser drawers).
We have no oven, but we have purchased a toaster oven, which isn’t quite the same thing, but will provide us with the necessary brownies. I had to buy a small bookshelf to put our microwave on, the kitchen counter wasn’t big enough. And the silverware is sitting out next to it, there isn’t a drawer for it. Our ‘pantry’ is just wasted space behind the fridge, where the ceiling is pitched enough that nothing else would fit back there. (Every time someone goes to get something to eat, it looks like they got lost behind the fridge.)
Heat will drift up from our old residence below at random times. Half the time our house is chilly, the other half boiling hot. We have no control over it; we just get whatever our downstairs neighbors feel like giving us. They also give us the stomach-turning fragrance of incense, which I have a feeling is just a cover up for another smell.
But all in all, it is still our home and we are making it as such.
My two roommates and I were informed about two months ago that we were getting ‘kicked out’ of our wonderful 3 bedroom, 2 bath home. We had the option of moving upstairs to the tiny 2 shoebox-sized-bedroom, even tinier 1 bathroom apartment, though. We searched (in vain) for something that would actually have enough square-footage to house three of us, without living right on top of each other. But in the end, without any other options in sight, we boxed up everything only to move them 8 feet up. (Regardless of how far you move all of our belongings, it is still a pain.)
Of all the places that I have lived, I think this one has the most ‘quirky charm.’ But I guess we all go through those times in our lives that we will later look back on and just laugh at our living situations.
Our dining room is converted into a third bedroom, so at least we all have our own space. Although, space might be a generous term. My bedroom furniture is literally a puzzle that only has one solution. I tried a couple different options, but nothing else would work (unless I wanted to crawl over my bed to get to my closet, or not be able to shut my door, or have to maneuver a couple different items to open my dresser drawers).
We have no oven, but we have purchased a toaster oven, which isn’t quite the same thing, but will provide us with the necessary brownies. I had to buy a small bookshelf to put our microwave on, the kitchen counter wasn’t big enough. And the silverware is sitting out next to it, there isn’t a drawer for it. Our ‘pantry’ is just wasted space behind the fridge, where the ceiling is pitched enough that nothing else would fit back there. (Every time someone goes to get something to eat, it looks like they got lost behind the fridge.)
Heat will drift up from our old residence below at random times. Half the time our house is chilly, the other half boiling hot. We have no control over it; we just get whatever our downstairs neighbors feel like giving us. They also give us the stomach-turning fragrance of incense, which I have a feeling is just a cover up for another smell.
But all in all, it is still our home and we are making it as such.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Summer Fun with our crazy staff...
Here is most of our staff, a bunch of crazy girls. The following are just some of the adventures that we have had this summer...
Oregon Coast
Did I learn to surf while in Hawaii last year? No, I had to be a tough chick and learn in the frigid Oregon Coast waters. Thankfully we had wetsuits! And other than getting konked in the head pretty good with my board, it wasn't half bad!
Changes around every bend...
Just when I feel like things are falling into a bit of a rut, God likes to stir the pot a bit (alright, a whole lot).
A roommate moved out; a new roommate moved here from Arizona; we have to move; a job change (a good thing) is coming; housesitting jobs seem to be coming out of my ears (which is good for the bank account, just makes you feel like a gypsy); my roommates celebrated not only my B-day, but Birthday Week; guys are dumb (well, one in particular); etc., etc., etc.
In the midst of it all, I'm taking a break up north for a few days and I am so looking forward to spending some relaxed time with some dear friends. Without this break, I think my poor little head might explode.
God, thanks for never giving me more than I can bear with your help!
A roommate moved out; a new roommate moved here from Arizona; we have to move; a job change (a good thing) is coming; housesitting jobs seem to be coming out of my ears (which is good for the bank account, just makes you feel like a gypsy); my roommates celebrated not only my B-day, but Birthday Week; guys are dumb (well, one in particular); etc., etc., etc.
In the midst of it all, I'm taking a break up north for a few days and I am so looking forward to spending some relaxed time with some dear friends. Without this break, I think my poor little head might explode.
God, thanks for never giving me more than I can bear with your help!
Sunday, August 21, 2005
seeking time to process
Hmm, life recently has had such a daily quality about it. Which I haven’t decided if that is good or bad yet. In early morning, I just get going, knowing it’s going to be a long day. And as I walk down the driveway from the ranch at the end of it, I know tomorrow will come too quickly.
It seems that all I do is work and seeing that I’m at Starbucks about 27-30 hours a week and then at the ranch another 24 or so, that is pretty accurate. Thankfully I enjoy my jobs for the most part, but it can get a little weary when I feel as though all my free time is spent driving between the two.
But my weekends are generally a time for me to ramp up for the next upcoming week. I will work a bit on the weekends, but it is generally a slower time for me. I even get to sleep in one or two days and lounge on the couch with my book and cup of coffee, which is the perfect way for me to start my day.
It is also the time where I can slow down long enough to process life a bit. I am a processor; it takes me a little time to think through all that has been thrown at me the previous week, to make some sense out of all of it. And writing is one of those ways that I am able to sort through all my thoughts. Unfortunately not much of that writing has made it on the blog, but I’m coming to the last pages in my current journal.
****
This past week has been a doozy as far as processing is concerned…
~ One of the girls who I have become so close with this summer has moved back to Colorado for school and a boy. When she arrived in June, I knew she would only be here for the summer months, but I didn’t count on her finding some a comfortable place in my heart. I had been feeling the drought of not having a girlfriend close by who your soul feels so content with, and then Laura felt the call of God to move here for the summer. It’s hard to imagine this place without her here, so things have felt a bit foreign this past week. But God seems to know what He is doing, so I trust Him for who is leading to and from this ranch, and for those He is leading into my life.
~ I kinda went on a date this past week as well. I won’t go into much detail, but it was nice to wake up in the morning and smile because someone might actually like you. I’m not hanging too much on this yet (especially since he tends to disappear for weeks at a time), I’ll have to wait and see what the future holds.
~ I was a part of my first horse rescue on Friday. I’ve seen some of the pictures of the equines that the ranch has taken in, who were on their last few days of life, but I have not actually seen or touched them when they were in that condition. It was just horrifying to look at this animal, so close to death, yet with such a fire in his eyes. I believe this guy will pull through this, but he is quite old and in such terrible condition, it’s not a certainty.
****
Tomorrow is Monday and the cycle that I call a week will start all over again. But in the meantime, I am enjoying my lazy Sunday. Thanks God, for making days of rest and for allowing me to savor them!
It seems that all I do is work and seeing that I’m at Starbucks about 27-30 hours a week and then at the ranch another 24 or so, that is pretty accurate. Thankfully I enjoy my jobs for the most part, but it can get a little weary when I feel as though all my free time is spent driving between the two.
But my weekends are generally a time for me to ramp up for the next upcoming week. I will work a bit on the weekends, but it is generally a slower time for me. I even get to sleep in one or two days and lounge on the couch with my book and cup of coffee, which is the perfect way for me to start my day.
It is also the time where I can slow down long enough to process life a bit. I am a processor; it takes me a little time to think through all that has been thrown at me the previous week, to make some sense out of all of it. And writing is one of those ways that I am able to sort through all my thoughts. Unfortunately not much of that writing has made it on the blog, but I’m coming to the last pages in my current journal.
****
This past week has been a doozy as far as processing is concerned…
~ One of the girls who I have become so close with this summer has moved back to Colorado for school and a boy. When she arrived in June, I knew she would only be here for the summer months, but I didn’t count on her finding some a comfortable place in my heart. I had been feeling the drought of not having a girlfriend close by who your soul feels so content with, and then Laura felt the call of God to move here for the summer. It’s hard to imagine this place without her here, so things have felt a bit foreign this past week. But God seems to know what He is doing, so I trust Him for who is leading to and from this ranch, and for those He is leading into my life.
~ I kinda went on a date this past week as well. I won’t go into much detail, but it was nice to wake up in the morning and smile because someone might actually like you. I’m not hanging too much on this yet (especially since he tends to disappear for weeks at a time), I’ll have to wait and see what the future holds.
~ I was a part of my first horse rescue on Friday. I’ve seen some of the pictures of the equines that the ranch has taken in, who were on their last few days of life, but I have not actually seen or touched them when they were in that condition. It was just horrifying to look at this animal, so close to death, yet with such a fire in his eyes. I believe this guy will pull through this, but he is quite old and in such terrible condition, it’s not a certainty.
****
Tomorrow is Monday and the cycle that I call a week will start all over again. But in the meantime, I am enjoying my lazy Sunday. Thanks God, for making days of rest and for allowing me to savor them!
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Peace, what a blessed thing
Steph was here for the weekend and we had a great time together. It is such a nice thing to have the chance to spend quality time with someone who understands you so well. There isn't a whole lot of explaining necessary and you are able to call each other on stuff, all the while knowing that they love you regardless.
Many adventures were had (ranch visiting, horse show attending, Happy Hour seeking, fun eatery discovering, river floating, sunburn soothing, our pizza being taken by a homeless man...ing) :), but peace and quiet were also in abundance.
It is such a gift to be with someone so familiar, which would normally leave me feeling a little homesick, but to have such a peace in my heart. Life isn't perfect, and there are still days when I feel so incomplete, with so many unfulfilled longings, but I have found the tranquility of resting in the Lord for all that lays in the present and the beyond.
In the midst of change and busyness, I have a solid Rock on which I stand and take my strength.
Many adventures were had (ranch visiting, horse show attending, Happy Hour seeking, fun eatery discovering, river floating, sunburn soothing, our pizza being taken by a homeless man...ing) :), but peace and quiet were also in abundance.
It is such a gift to be with someone so familiar, which would normally leave me feeling a little homesick, but to have such a peace in my heart. Life isn't perfect, and there are still days when I feel so incomplete, with so many unfulfilled longings, but I have found the tranquility of resting in the Lord for all that lays in the present and the beyond.
In the midst of change and busyness, I have a solid Rock on which I stand and take my strength.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Time just keeps tickin', tickin', tickin'...
Goodness, time can sure get away from you quickly. It doesn’t seem to register that it is July already – where did the past 4 months go? Have I really lived in Oregon for that long now?
It has been interesting watching this season unfold. It’s hard to describe briefly all that God has done since March, but I will just say this, His hand is definitely in it all. From the jobs, to the home, to the church, new friends, and even the trials, I can see my faith being built and my life and the plan the Lord has for it come to be one day at a time. Granted I don’t always trust that plan every step of the way and I feebly try to uphold what I see as vital all by myself, but overall, I can see growth. Which is always an exciting thing to see, since it rarely unveils itself until much farther down the road.
***
Summer is definitely upon us. The ranch is a little bee’s nest, buzzing with activity everywhere. So much so, that it is hard for me to keep up. Kim is booked with travel and speaking engagements until 2007 and new children keep coming. Which makes for chaos at times, but there are those that are being touched left and right, so I know that God has placed me here for such a time as this.
This week will be a much needed break in the middle of the endurance race. A group of inter-city teens from New York had to cancel their trip out to the ranch (which I was quite disappointed in, I was really looking forward to having fun times with them), but because of that, Kim & Troy are taking the ranch staff on a little vacation to the coast. And they are going to teach us how to surf!
I miss the ocean so much, it will be wonderful to spend many days just breathing in the salty air and feeling the sensation of sand between my toes. And it will be good to spend some down time with the rest of the staff. We can get to full-throttle forward while at the ranch, I feel as though I don’t really know those who I am surrounded by.
Hopefully I won’t come back in a full-body cast from being thrown about in the surf!
It has been interesting watching this season unfold. It’s hard to describe briefly all that God has done since March, but I will just say this, His hand is definitely in it all. From the jobs, to the home, to the church, new friends, and even the trials, I can see my faith being built and my life and the plan the Lord has for it come to be one day at a time. Granted I don’t always trust that plan every step of the way and I feebly try to uphold what I see as vital all by myself, but overall, I can see growth. Which is always an exciting thing to see, since it rarely unveils itself until much farther down the road.
***
Summer is definitely upon us. The ranch is a little bee’s nest, buzzing with activity everywhere. So much so, that it is hard for me to keep up. Kim is booked with travel and speaking engagements until 2007 and new children keep coming. Which makes for chaos at times, but there are those that are being touched left and right, so I know that God has placed me here for such a time as this.
This week will be a much needed break in the middle of the endurance race. A group of inter-city teens from New York had to cancel their trip out to the ranch (which I was quite disappointed in, I was really looking forward to having fun times with them), but because of that, Kim & Troy are taking the ranch staff on a little vacation to the coast. And they are going to teach us how to surf!
I miss the ocean so much, it will be wonderful to spend many days just breathing in the salty air and feeling the sensation of sand between my toes. And it will be good to spend some down time with the rest of the staff. We can get to full-throttle forward while at the ranch, I feel as though I don’t really know those who I am surrounded by.
Hopefully I won’t come back in a full-body cast from being thrown about in the surf!
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Chapter's Introduction
Life seems to follow wherever you roam. New adventures always come accompanied by you and usually a few other flawed humans – which usually means that this grand new journey that you have set out on will become somewhat flawed as well. At least a bit skewed from what you were expecting.
I have been terrible lately at recording some of my thoughts and days and I think it is the same as a friend has described – life has become so very full of the doing, the being has not had time to catch up.
In these last two months of this new chapter, life has been full to the brim of the unexpected, the planned, hopes and dreams starting to become fulfilled, desires and wishes dashed or delayed, closeness and distance, and everything in between. All in all, very full.
There have been definite moments when my brain and heart are screaming out, “Why the heck are you here?!?” But overall, there have been so many confirmations that here is exactly where I am supposed to be. I may not understand it all, but I have a very good God who is lovingly guiding me.
One of these confirmations and blessings came yesterday evening as I was making dinner. Our back door opened and in stepped a vessel of God in the form of one of the volunteers at the ranch. She was carrying a box of bulk groceries from Costco – and the additional boxes were overflowing in the back of her car. She knew the three of us girls who have recently moved into this house are all living on shoestring budgets (the beauty of working for a non-profit ministry) and just wanted to bless us by bringing us a housewarming gift.
Not only could she not have known how perfect every item of food was for us, she also didn’t know the tension that grocery shopping has been lately. (I’ve been learning how ‘interesting’ it can be to live with someone who has just moved out for this first time.)
I stood there speechless as the food kept coming and coming – I couldn’t do anything but laugh. It was just one more way that God was telling me, “Look, I’ve got you – I know every concern and detail and am working everything together for good. Just be patient and trust wholly in me.”
The adventures will continue and life will inevitably be joyous and frustrating, but as this chapter’s introduction is being penned, I’m continuing to learn the life-long lesson of complete trust in such a faithful God.
I have been terrible lately at recording some of my thoughts and days and I think it is the same as a friend has described – life has become so very full of the doing, the being has not had time to catch up.
In these last two months of this new chapter, life has been full to the brim of the unexpected, the planned, hopes and dreams starting to become fulfilled, desires and wishes dashed or delayed, closeness and distance, and everything in between. All in all, very full.
There have been definite moments when my brain and heart are screaming out, “Why the heck are you here?!?” But overall, there have been so many confirmations that here is exactly where I am supposed to be. I may not understand it all, but I have a very good God who is lovingly guiding me.
One of these confirmations and blessings came yesterday evening as I was making dinner. Our back door opened and in stepped a vessel of God in the form of one of the volunteers at the ranch. She was carrying a box of bulk groceries from Costco – and the additional boxes were overflowing in the back of her car. She knew the three of us girls who have recently moved into this house are all living on shoestring budgets (the beauty of working for a non-profit ministry) and just wanted to bless us by bringing us a housewarming gift.
Not only could she not have known how perfect every item of food was for us, she also didn’t know the tension that grocery shopping has been lately. (I’ve been learning how ‘interesting’ it can be to live with someone who has just moved out for this first time.)
I stood there speechless as the food kept coming and coming – I couldn’t do anything but laugh. It was just one more way that God was telling me, “Look, I’ve got you – I know every concern and detail and am working everything together for good. Just be patient and trust wholly in me.”
The adventures will continue and life will inevitably be joyous and frustrating, but as this chapter’s introduction is being penned, I’m continuing to learn the life-long lesson of complete trust in such a faithful God.
Friday, March 25, 2005
Quick Jaunt in the Snow
As what I have come to hear is quite normal around this area, especially in the high desert, it has snowed this week quite a few times. It’s kind of weird to drive by the elementary school and see “Spring Break” on the billboard with everything blanketed with snow. I am so thankful for the snow tires that are still on my car.
This is Cappie. You can’t tell in this picture, but he was once mistaken for a pig by a little boy. He is what is known as an ‘easy keeper’ – it seems that whatever he eats goes straight to the girth of his gut.
Svara has quickly become one of my favorites. She has the sweetest personality, even though her trot has been compared to riding a pogo-stick.
This is one of our new little guys and has found a place in my heart very swiftly. He is quiet, inquisitive and very low to the ground. He has a little training in front of him before he will be put into the program, but I can see him becoming the first choice for many small children. His name took a little time to decide on, but we have finally dubbed him Buckshot.
Solstice got her name because she has seen the last of her darkest days. She was rescued and brought to the ranch in the middle of January. She has since gained a couple inches and over 100 pounds. Her withdrawn personality has quickly changed into a little spitfire. If you can believe it, she is a 2 year old Quarter Horse. She could easily be mistaken for a very sick 6 month old. But under some TLC, that is quickly being changed.
This is Cappie. You can’t tell in this picture, but he was once mistaken for a pig by a little boy. He is what is known as an ‘easy keeper’ – it seems that whatever he eats goes straight to the girth of his gut.
Svara has quickly become one of my favorites. She has the sweetest personality, even though her trot has been compared to riding a pogo-stick.
This is one of our new little guys and has found a place in my heart very swiftly. He is quiet, inquisitive and very low to the ground. He has a little training in front of him before he will be put into the program, but I can see him becoming the first choice for many small children. His name took a little time to decide on, but we have finally dubbed him Buckshot.
Solstice got her name because she has seen the last of her darkest days. She was rescued and brought to the ranch in the middle of January. She has since gained a couple inches and over 100 pounds. Her withdrawn personality has quickly changed into a little spitfire. If you can believe it, she is a 2 year old Quarter Horse. She could easily be mistaken for a very sick 6 month old. But under some TLC, that is quickly being changed.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
4 Weeks In
Whew – this last month have been a whirlwind of God’s provision. In only 4 weeks, I have found friends, 2 jobs, and a place to call my own.
In 8 days, a couple girls who also work at the ranch and I will be moving into a 3-bedroom bunkhouse that is just around the corner from the ranch. Goodbye 40 minute commute. Hello short little bike ride. My parents will be moving all my stuff that has been in storage down here next weekend and I will finally be able to settle in. (My parents are the best – I couldn’t ask for anything more in them.)
After what seemed like much deliberation and much pursuing by my part, Starbucks has decided that they can’t survive without me. It took them a little while to see how amazing I am, but they finally got it. I start there the beginning of April.
The same exact day that I start training at Sbux, the ranch officially opens for kids. (I’m foreseeing a very-exhausted Julie by the end of that day.) That is also the first day that I will be clocking in and out at the ranch – yep, they are officially hiring me.
It’s hard to believe at times that all of this has come together so beautifully. Such a confirmation that this is right where I am supposed to be.
In 8 days, a couple girls who also work at the ranch and I will be moving into a 3-bedroom bunkhouse that is just around the corner from the ranch. Goodbye 40 minute commute. Hello short little bike ride. My parents will be moving all my stuff that has been in storage down here next weekend and I will finally be able to settle in. (My parents are the best – I couldn’t ask for anything more in them.)
After what seemed like much deliberation and much pursuing by my part, Starbucks has decided that they can’t survive without me. It took them a little while to see how amazing I am, but they finally got it. I start there the beginning of April.
The same exact day that I start training at Sbux, the ranch officially opens for kids. (I’m foreseeing a very-exhausted Julie by the end of that day.) That is also the first day that I will be clocking in and out at the ranch – yep, they are officially hiring me.
It’s hard to believe at times that all of this has come together so beautifully. Such a confirmation that this is right where I am supposed to be.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Longings
I think I have the two week itch. Or homesickness is sinking in.
The first little bit of this new adventure has seemed a bit like a short-term missions trip. You go with the knowledge that God will be using you and making everything come together in His time, but now I’m feeling the need for familiarity and the comforts of home.
I want a good home-cooked meal (that wasn’t thrown together by me after a long exhausting day).
I want the closeness and comforts of family. People who know you through and through and love you regardless of your shortcomings.
I want those deep friendships, where you can call anytime and invite yourself over.
I want to look forward to my weekends, knowing that you’ll be doing something fun with friends, rather than wondering how the heck you are going to pass the time.
I want to drive on streets that I know like the back of my hand. A place where you don’t have to consult a map or drive around aimlessly for 15 minutes trying to figure out where you are.
I want my commute to work to be my nice little 2 mile hop, instead of a 45 mile roundtrip trek across the desert.
I know, just take one thing at a time, but I’m just a little tired of trying so hard right now.
***
Here’s how you know you’ve reached my street, just look for the overabundance of mailboxes:
The first little bit of this new adventure has seemed a bit like a short-term missions trip. You go with the knowledge that God will be using you and making everything come together in His time, but now I’m feeling the need for familiarity and the comforts of home.
I want a good home-cooked meal (that wasn’t thrown together by me after a long exhausting day).
I want the closeness and comforts of family. People who know you through and through and love you regardless of your shortcomings.
I want those deep friendships, where you can call anytime and invite yourself over.
I want to look forward to my weekends, knowing that you’ll be doing something fun with friends, rather than wondering how the heck you are going to pass the time.
I want to drive on streets that I know like the back of my hand. A place where you don’t have to consult a map or drive around aimlessly for 15 minutes trying to figure out where you are.
I want my commute to work to be my nice little 2 mile hop, instead of a 45 mile roundtrip trek across the desert.
I know, just take one thing at a time, but I’m just a little tired of trying so hard right now.
***
Here’s how you know you’ve reached my street, just look for the overabundance of mailboxes:
Monday, March 07, 2005
Trust with a Shaky Hand
Anyone who has read Blue Like Jazz can probably figure out which chapter I just finished reading.
***
I don’t often make New Year’s resolutions, but my finances were so out of control in December of 2003, I vowed to create a budget and hold to it. No more use of my credit cards (especially on frivolous things like new shoes or a full-price movie with popcorn), No more overdraft fees at the bank because I didn’t keep track of all my debit receipts, no more waiting till the last minute to pay my bills, just barely slipping by without late charges.
I surprised myself by actually sticking to it. I itemized all of my expenses, with the monthly bills getting paid as soon as I got my paycheck deposited. But the one line item that always seemed to get shifted to other areas had the title of Tithe.
I don’t know why I have such a problem with giving back to God what is already His. I guess all the old lies that are fed to so many others are the ones that I believe too.
“It’s not really even that much, it’s not like the church is really going to suffer without my measly little amount.”
“I can barely get by as it is, how do you expect me to pay all my monthly bills without that money?”
“Well, I bought Susie a coffee last week, so that’s kind of like giving to charity, right? I mean, it’s helping the church, which is really the body…”
To be honest, that last one still gets me. I think I can justify a lot of things to make them seem legit. But really, when I bought that coffee, I wasn’t thinking of giving to the ‘church’, I was just spending money. Money that I didn’t necessarily have left in the Coffee Budget, so I just kind of ‘borrowed’ it from the Tithe Budget. But lately, God has really been nailing me about this area of my life.
In this recent step-out-in-faith time in my life, I have slowly been learning how to truly trust God for all of the details that I really don’t have a lot of control over. And I’ve stood back and have been amazed at how perfectly this journey is coming together for me. So many of the small things that I have been concerned about are all coming together as such a confirmation that I am right where the Lord wants me.
But He knows there is at least one area of trust that I am reluctant in. My finances. I know He is asking if I trust Him enough for all things that I would be obedient in the small amount that He is asking for back. I want to be, but I feel like I am tentatively holding that offering out to Him, but just close enough to me that I can snatch it back if I really start to sink. But that method didn’t work too well for Peter when he failed to trust the Lord when he was walking on the water, so I know it’s not going to work for me either.
The Lord hasn’t forgotten or forsaken me yet, so I don’t expect Him to do it anytime in the future. This is just one more step in following Him and relinquishing control.
***
I don’t often make New Year’s resolutions, but my finances were so out of control in December of 2003, I vowed to create a budget and hold to it. No more use of my credit cards (especially on frivolous things like new shoes or a full-price movie with popcorn), No more overdraft fees at the bank because I didn’t keep track of all my debit receipts, no more waiting till the last minute to pay my bills, just barely slipping by without late charges.
I surprised myself by actually sticking to it. I itemized all of my expenses, with the monthly bills getting paid as soon as I got my paycheck deposited. But the one line item that always seemed to get shifted to other areas had the title of Tithe.
I don’t know why I have such a problem with giving back to God what is already His. I guess all the old lies that are fed to so many others are the ones that I believe too.
“It’s not really even that much, it’s not like the church is really going to suffer without my measly little amount.”
“I can barely get by as it is, how do you expect me to pay all my monthly bills without that money?”
“Well, I bought Susie a coffee last week, so that’s kind of like giving to charity, right? I mean, it’s helping the church, which is really the body…”
To be honest, that last one still gets me. I think I can justify a lot of things to make them seem legit. But really, when I bought that coffee, I wasn’t thinking of giving to the ‘church’, I was just spending money. Money that I didn’t necessarily have left in the Coffee Budget, so I just kind of ‘borrowed’ it from the Tithe Budget. But lately, God has really been nailing me about this area of my life.
In this recent step-out-in-faith time in my life, I have slowly been learning how to truly trust God for all of the details that I really don’t have a lot of control over. And I’ve stood back and have been amazed at how perfectly this journey is coming together for me. So many of the small things that I have been concerned about are all coming together as such a confirmation that I am right where the Lord wants me.
But He knows there is at least one area of trust that I am reluctant in. My finances. I know He is asking if I trust Him enough for all things that I would be obedient in the small amount that He is asking for back. I want to be, but I feel like I am tentatively holding that offering out to Him, but just close enough to me that I can snatch it back if I really start to sink. But that method didn’t work too well for Peter when he failed to trust the Lord when he was walking on the water, so I know it’s not going to work for me either.
The Lord hasn’t forgotten or forsaken me yet, so I don’t expect Him to do it anytime in the future. This is just one more step in following Him and relinquishing control.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Both Feet In
Well, here I am. It’s only been a little over a week after my going-away lunch at my old office and it feels like years ago already. I’m getting settled in here in my new life, but it feels so strange.
I made it down on Saturday and got somewhat settled. As much as you can when you are living with two people you don’t know. I’m learning how this situation works, but it will nice to get my own place, just for the sake of actually feeling at home. But I am also so very thankful that the Lord has provided this place for me to stay. (Except for the fact that I am living out in the sticks with only 1 bar of cell coverage, if I don't move around.)
I sat by the river on Sunday and just cried my eyes out. My parents had helped me move down and they had just left and I felt so very alone and scared. It has been awhile since I’ve been in a new town so very far away from home where I didn’t know anyone. I had forgotten how daunting it can be. But the foreboding feeling has quickly slipped away as I’ve gotten to know some people and jumped into things at the ranch. There were only about two days where I was seriously ready to just repack all my stuff and head home.
But the Lord is so good to me. I’ve only been at the ranch for three days of training so far, but am already feeling like this is going to be an amazing community. There may be a more permanent place to call home becoming reality in a few months, and I’m trusting God in His plan for a job. Two nights this week I’ve been invited to dinner at homes of the ranch staff. This is feeling more and more like I could call this place home soon.
This has definitely been an experiment in obedience for me and I know that there is still more to come. It can be a bit of a scary thing, but I know God’s plans are more than I could even ask or imagine, so I’m ready to trust Him for them.
I made it down on Saturday and got somewhat settled. As much as you can when you are living with two people you don’t know. I’m learning how this situation works, but it will nice to get my own place, just for the sake of actually feeling at home. But I am also so very thankful that the Lord has provided this place for me to stay. (Except for the fact that I am living out in the sticks with only 1 bar of cell coverage, if I don't move around.)
I sat by the river on Sunday and just cried my eyes out. My parents had helped me move down and they had just left and I felt so very alone and scared. It has been awhile since I’ve been in a new town so very far away from home where I didn’t know anyone. I had forgotten how daunting it can be. But the foreboding feeling has quickly slipped away as I’ve gotten to know some people and jumped into things at the ranch. There were only about two days where I was seriously ready to just repack all my stuff and head home.
But the Lord is so good to me. I’ve only been at the ranch for three days of training so far, but am already feeling like this is going to be an amazing community. There may be a more permanent place to call home becoming reality in a few months, and I’m trusting God in His plan for a job. Two nights this week I’ve been invited to dinner at homes of the ranch staff. This is feeling more and more like I could call this place home soon.
This has definitely been an experiment in obedience for me and I know that there is still more to come. It can be a bit of a scary thing, but I know God’s plans are more than I could even ask or imagine, so I’m ready to trust Him for them.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Running Late
I know, I know, I've been a pathetic excuse of a writer lately. Just a few things going on in my life. I'm hoping to have a little time and inspiration coming shortly.
Today's the big day - I'm moving south. I won't go into all the mixed emotions I've been having lately (I'll save all that for another day), but I woke up thinking, "Um, no, actually, I don't think I want to move. Forget that I am currently unemployed here, I've said good-bye to everyone save one, the car is packed to the gills with my junk. I think I will just stay put." I've learned to not listen to that voice in the mornings when I first wake up. It's usually the same one that says, "Wake up to go to work? Nah, just stay in your nice toasty bed for a little while longer... zzz."
But regardless, here I go. Prayers would be appreciated. Updates soon to follow (if I can find a wireless internet connection).
Today's the big day - I'm moving south. I won't go into all the mixed emotions I've been having lately (I'll save all that for another day), but I woke up thinking, "Um, no, actually, I don't think I want to move. Forget that I am currently unemployed here, I've said good-bye to everyone save one, the car is packed to the gills with my junk. I think I will just stay put." I've learned to not listen to that voice in the mornings when I first wake up. It's usually the same one that says, "Wake up to go to work? Nah, just stay in your nice toasty bed for a little while longer... zzz."
But regardless, here I go. Prayers would be appreciated. Updates soon to follow (if I can find a wireless internet connection).
Monday, February 14, 2005
Looking forward and then bringing it back
Another Valentines Day that, to the world’s standards, wasn’t quite up to par. It was most evident when I stopped by the grocery store after work to pick up a few things to make enchiladas with my brother. Every other male in the place had a bouquet of flowers in his hand. None for me. But you know what, that is okay. Instead of crying in my cereal (because I’m not a big fan of cereal anyway) that there isn’t someone to spoil me with roses and chocolates and to whisper sweet nothings in my ear, I continue to look forward with hope, trusting in the knowledge that Christ sees my heart. He knows my prayers that no one else has access to. I believe He loves me more than I can even fathom, so I’ll trust in His timing and plans. I’m just being to discover how sweet they are.
I did think back on a Valentines Day approximately 16 years ago. I was in 1st grade and was one of those girls who spent hours hand-crafting Valentines for every student in my class. No store-bought ones for me!
The next day as I was going around the room passing out my little tokens of love, I realized that I had missed one. The night before as I was writing each name on the frilly paper hearts, I thought I had accounted for everyone. But I had forgotten one name. I felt utterly crushed inside. I don’t even think he noticed, but I did. And to this day, I still remember his name… Patrick.
So, my Valentines advice: don’t forget people, it might be ingrained in your memory forever. And avoid grocery stores too.
I did think back on a Valentines Day approximately 16 years ago. I was in 1st grade and was one of those girls who spent hours hand-crafting Valentines for every student in my class. No store-bought ones for me!
The next day as I was going around the room passing out my little tokens of love, I realized that I had missed one. The night before as I was writing each name on the frilly paper hearts, I thought I had accounted for everyone. But I had forgotten one name. I felt utterly crushed inside. I don’t even think he noticed, but I did. And to this day, I still remember his name… Patrick.
So, my Valentines advice: don’t forget people, it might be ingrained in your memory forever. And avoid grocery stores too.
Friday, February 11, 2005
Good-bye Desk Job
Congratulations to Natalie for scoring the much sought after position that I will be leaving in exactly 8 business days. Many happy copier-jam-free days to you! :) Seriously, you get to work with some great people (2 of them being directly related to you), take good care of Peter and Michelle for me.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Here are some pictures from this past weekend. I would definitely categorize it in the more random weekends that I have had, but it was a good one too.
Stacey and I headed over to Seattle (we barely made the ferry, thanks to a slowpoke with California plates, but what else is new?), met up with Corey and had some grub at The Old Spaghetti Factory. Yum!
Then we headed over to the Freemont District to attend an alternative worship service. Very artsy and different from the norm, but it was great. There was a little dancing afterwards too. :)
Stace and I then headed out with Bethany (who we had just met) to a friend of her’s place for a little karaoke action. I sadly didn’t get any pictures of the off-key fun. (Thanks, Bethany, for having us – it was a blast!)
There is one more thing to check off the life’s list: sing horribly at karaoke in front of people you just met half an hour ago.
Yep, the escapades of Stacey & Julie, you just never quite know what fun we’ll have next.
Stacey and I headed over to Seattle (we barely made the ferry, thanks to a slowpoke with California plates, but what else is new?), met up with Corey and had some grub at The Old Spaghetti Factory. Yum!
Then we headed over to the Freemont District to attend an alternative worship service. Very artsy and different from the norm, but it was great. There was a little dancing afterwards too. :)
Stace and I then headed out with Bethany (who we had just met) to a friend of her’s place for a little karaoke action. I sadly didn’t get any pictures of the off-key fun. (Thanks, Bethany, for having us – it was a blast!)
There is one more thing to check off the life’s list: sing horribly at karaoke in front of people you just met half an hour ago.
Yep, the escapades of Stacey & Julie, you just never quite know what fun we’ll have next.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Typical
I was going through some files at work, doing some cleaning up. I browsed through some pictures from the Internship days… when I helped to lead a college-age ministry training center. Those were the good ol’ days. I came across these pictures:
You know you live in Seattle when you take your whole posse of girls in a 15 passenger van through the drive-up espresso stand.
You know you live in Seattle when you take your whole posse of girls in a 15 passenger van through the drive-up espresso stand.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
No Turning Back
My plans are now officially official.
I turned in my resignation on Friday and felt surprisingly nervous about it. As confident as I was about my decision, it’s hard to let go of what you have. Although I may not feel challenged in my job, or alive in my current pursuits, they are still easy and right in front of me. I don’t need to stretch out and grab them, they are within my arm’s reach.
But as soon as those doubts assail me, they are whisked away by the knowledge of how God has been preparing me for this change. And also that He will be walking in front, beside, and behind me the entire way.
I sat down with my boss (who is also one of my closest friend’s mom), and told her my plans and gave my notice. After I was able to share my story of how this all came about, she asked to pray for me and started to get choked up. It has been such an amazing thing to work in an environment that has been so encouraging and uplifting.
I made the announcement to the rest of the staff today in our Staff Meeting and was greeted with warm smiles and encouraging nods as I looked around the table. I know that as much as they hate to see me go, they are behind me completely.
But now there is no turning back! Yikes, here I go!
I turned in my resignation on Friday and felt surprisingly nervous about it. As confident as I was about my decision, it’s hard to let go of what you have. Although I may not feel challenged in my job, or alive in my current pursuits, they are still easy and right in front of me. I don’t need to stretch out and grab them, they are within my arm’s reach.
But as soon as those doubts assail me, they are whisked away by the knowledge of how God has been preparing me for this change. And also that He will be walking in front, beside, and behind me the entire way.
I sat down with my boss (who is also one of my closest friend’s mom), and told her my plans and gave my notice. After I was able to share my story of how this all came about, she asked to pray for me and started to get choked up. It has been such an amazing thing to work in an environment that has been so encouraging and uplifting.
I made the announcement to the rest of the staff today in our Staff Meeting and was greeted with warm smiles and encouraging nods as I looked around the table. I know that as much as they hate to see me go, they are behind me completely.
But now there is no turning back! Yikes, here I go!
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Blown Away
That’s what I am right now. Completely blown away.
I’ve watched for the last two weeks as God has been orchestrating this new journey for me, He has been hand-crafting it to fit the desires, talents, and concerns that I have.
I talked with a friend of a friend the other night who lives in Bend and worked at Crystal Peaks for awhile. She sounds like an awesome girl and told me to give her a call when I get into town and she will show me around. And I was worried that I didn’t know a soul down there.
I got an email two days ago from the ranch’s volunteer coordinator who I’ve been communicating with for the last two weeks to see if I could come down and interview for a part-time admin position. I have so much experience with that, I think it would be a perfect fit. Plus, their starting pay is so good for a non-profit. And I was worried about finding a job.
I just got the confirmation that I am able to stay rent-free with a lady who supports the ranch until I get settled. And I was worried that I didn’t have a place to live.
From the very beginning I felt like this was something I was supposed to do. I took the first step by visiting this place, and ever since then, doors have been opening left and right. I’ve never been in the situation where I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this is where I am supposed to go. It brings such confidence and assurance.
It also makes me wonder why I haven’t trusted and relied more fully on God before. That’s something that is going to change!
Jeremiah 32:27 – “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is there any thing too hard for me?”
1 John 5:14-15 – This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.
I’ve watched for the last two weeks as God has been orchestrating this new journey for me, He has been hand-crafting it to fit the desires, talents, and concerns that I have.
I talked with a friend of a friend the other night who lives in Bend and worked at Crystal Peaks for awhile. She sounds like an awesome girl and told me to give her a call when I get into town and she will show me around. And I was worried that I didn’t know a soul down there.
I got an email two days ago from the ranch’s volunteer coordinator who I’ve been communicating with for the last two weeks to see if I could come down and interview for a part-time admin position. I have so much experience with that, I think it would be a perfect fit. Plus, their starting pay is so good for a non-profit. And I was worried about finding a job.
I just got the confirmation that I am able to stay rent-free with a lady who supports the ranch until I get settled. And I was worried that I didn’t have a place to live.
From the very beginning I felt like this was something I was supposed to do. I took the first step by visiting this place, and ever since then, doors have been opening left and right. I’ve never been in the situation where I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this is where I am supposed to go. It brings such confidence and assurance.
It also makes me wonder why I haven’t trusted and relied more fully on God before. That’s something that is going to change!
Jeremiah 32:27 – “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is there any thing too hard for me?”
1 John 5:14-15 – This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Surrounded by Love’s
Family – there’s nothing that is really like it. They can either be your biggest allies, or your most painful heartbreakers.
While my family is certainly not perfect, I can’t imagine life without them. Today was one of those days where I felt so incredibly blessed to have these three special people in my life.
I said goodbye to my cat today. I sat outside in the freezing cold in my p.j.’s, tears streaming down my face as I spent a few last moments with her. I think she must have sensed something was wrong, because she stayed by my side for quite a while. As ridiculous as it sounds to be grieving so much over the loss of an animal, it hit me really hard. I’ve always know it would, it’s just a little hard to believe that she is now gone.
I sat in our living room with sobs racking my body as my mom drove out of the driveway to take my kitty to the vet. My brother was in the backyard digging up the frozen ground. When my mom returned, with a small cardboard ‘casket’, my dad put her into the hole and shoveled the dirt on top.
I sat and watched while crying, but also feeling so thankful, through the pain, for this family that God has given me.
We spent the entire rest of the day together – something that is incredibly rare. We went out to lunch, spend some time at Barnes & Noble browsing through some books and sitting in the café together having coffee, and then went to go see a movie. It was a really good day, as hard as it started.
I came home, checked my email, and found a new mail message. The ranch wants me down there the beginning of March. That’s in 6 weeks! A mixture of exhilaration and panic immediately filled me as I rushed down the hall to share my news. Their reactions were a mix of encouragement and sorrow. I know they are excited about this possibility for me, but they hate to see their ‘little girl’ go… again.
Regardless that my day was such a crazy mix of emotions, I’ve realized once again that the one constant is my family. Sure, there will be many more times when we don’t see eye to eye, or we’ll get in petty little fights, but I know that they would die for me, and that’s a great realization to have. I truly felt their arms wrap around me today, literally and figuratively.
While my family is certainly not perfect, I can’t imagine life without them. Today was one of those days where I felt so incredibly blessed to have these three special people in my life.
I said goodbye to my cat today. I sat outside in the freezing cold in my p.j.’s, tears streaming down my face as I spent a few last moments with her. I think she must have sensed something was wrong, because she stayed by my side for quite a while. As ridiculous as it sounds to be grieving so much over the loss of an animal, it hit me really hard. I’ve always know it would, it’s just a little hard to believe that she is now gone.
I sat in our living room with sobs racking my body as my mom drove out of the driveway to take my kitty to the vet. My brother was in the backyard digging up the frozen ground. When my mom returned, with a small cardboard ‘casket’, my dad put her into the hole and shoveled the dirt on top.
I sat and watched while crying, but also feeling so thankful, through the pain, for this family that God has given me.
We spent the entire rest of the day together – something that is incredibly rare. We went out to lunch, spend some time at Barnes & Noble browsing through some books and sitting in the café together having coffee, and then went to go see a movie. It was a really good day, as hard as it started.
I came home, checked my email, and found a new mail message. The ranch wants me down there the beginning of March. That’s in 6 weeks! A mixture of exhilaration and panic immediately filled me as I rushed down the hall to share my news. Their reactions were a mix of encouragement and sorrow. I know they are excited about this possibility for me, but they hate to see their ‘little girl’ go… again.
Regardless that my day was such a crazy mix of emotions, I’ve realized once again that the one constant is my family. Sure, there will be many more times when we don’t see eye to eye, or we’ll get in petty little fights, but I know that they would die for me, and that’s a great realization to have. I truly felt their arms wrap around me today, literally and figuratively.
Friday, January 14, 2005
Don't Blink Now
You know how the weather around the world has been kind of on the crazy side? A surprisingly dry winter in the Pacific Northwest, snow in Texas, hurricanes in Florida, earthquakes and tsunamis in Asia, mudslides in California? It’s kind of like everything is coming to a head, and my life was feeling the same way on Wednesday.
I’m usually pretty good at multitasking and handling many large things at once, but the day was too much even for me.
First on the list – my car. What I thought might be just a simple front end alignment has turned out to be $1600 worth of damage. I’ve never had an accident before, and I’ve never had to deal with insurance claims, so I am learning much about that right now. I’m currently driving my little brother’s truck, so at least I have transportation, but I will be so thankful to get my little car back.
My pastor, whose family I am very close with also, has been long trying to set me up with someone. He finally somewhat succeeded and I went out with this guy on Monday. We had a nice time over coffee and he’s taking me out again on Friday, but I’m not so sure about this whole thing. I know I’m kind of on the picky side, but God knows that too and I’m confident that He has someone for me that will be a great match. I just don’t think I’ve found it yet.
I received an email response back from the ranch that sounds very promising. I still need to get some of the details worked out, but things are definitely looking good and moving forward in that regard.
I got home from work on Wednesday to come to the conclusion that it’s time to put my cat to sleep. She is almost 16, and is having some problems. For those of you who aren’t cat people, you may be thinking, “Good riddance. One less cat in the world.” But I have had her since I was about 6 or so. She was always the one to come and snuggle with me when I was crying and was my only ally when I was a teenager, angry at the whole world.
I sat in my room afterwards just sobbing. The kind of crying where you just feel like you are going to be sick. The cat thing alone was enough to make me cry, but everything together was just too much. I was lying curled in a ball on the floor crying out to God, saying, “Not one more thing, I can’t handle it. I’m experiencing every emotion known to man and my mind and body are just going to shut down if one more thing, good or bad, happens. I know you say you won’t give me more than I can handle, but I think I’ve reached my limit. I know you want me to cast all my cares on you, and I’m trying, but I’m just about spent.”
The really crazy thing was that at the same time, I was thinking, “I truly feel alive at this moment.” Pain, confusion, happiness, emotions signifies that you are alive. It’s more alive than I’ve felt in the past 6 months. Going through my motions of life just feels dead to me. God is doing something big, and is preparing me for it. The enemy doesn’t want it to happen and it throwing every trick in the book at me right now. As much as I hate that, I also see God working at combating them, even though that means I’m getting put through the wringer a little right now.
It is now a couple days later and I’ve had time to process everything and am doing much better, but life is still a bit on the crazy side. It doesn’t look like it is really going to let up anytime soon. Especially if this thing with the ranch works out, there will be many more changes coming up. Whew, I better get prepared!
I’m usually pretty good at multitasking and handling many large things at once, but the day was too much even for me.
First on the list – my car. What I thought might be just a simple front end alignment has turned out to be $1600 worth of damage. I’ve never had an accident before, and I’ve never had to deal with insurance claims, so I am learning much about that right now. I’m currently driving my little brother’s truck, so at least I have transportation, but I will be so thankful to get my little car back.
My pastor, whose family I am very close with also, has been long trying to set me up with someone. He finally somewhat succeeded and I went out with this guy on Monday. We had a nice time over coffee and he’s taking me out again on Friday, but I’m not so sure about this whole thing. I know I’m kind of on the picky side, but God knows that too and I’m confident that He has someone for me that will be a great match. I just don’t think I’ve found it yet.
I received an email response back from the ranch that sounds very promising. I still need to get some of the details worked out, but things are definitely looking good and moving forward in that regard.
I got home from work on Wednesday to come to the conclusion that it’s time to put my cat to sleep. She is almost 16, and is having some problems. For those of you who aren’t cat people, you may be thinking, “Good riddance. One less cat in the world.” But I have had her since I was about 6 or so. She was always the one to come and snuggle with me when I was crying and was my only ally when I was a teenager, angry at the whole world.
I sat in my room afterwards just sobbing. The kind of crying where you just feel like you are going to be sick. The cat thing alone was enough to make me cry, but everything together was just too much. I was lying curled in a ball on the floor crying out to God, saying, “Not one more thing, I can’t handle it. I’m experiencing every emotion known to man and my mind and body are just going to shut down if one more thing, good or bad, happens. I know you say you won’t give me more than I can handle, but I think I’ve reached my limit. I know you want me to cast all my cares on you, and I’m trying, but I’m just about spent.”
The really crazy thing was that at the same time, I was thinking, “I truly feel alive at this moment.” Pain, confusion, happiness, emotions signifies that you are alive. It’s more alive than I’ve felt in the past 6 months. Going through my motions of life just feels dead to me. God is doing something big, and is preparing me for it. The enemy doesn’t want it to happen and it throwing every trick in the book at me right now. As much as I hate that, I also see God working at combating them, even though that means I’m getting put through the wringer a little right now.
It is now a couple days later and I’ve had time to process everything and am doing much better, but life is still a bit on the crazy side. It doesn’t look like it is really going to let up anytime soon. Especially if this thing with the ranch works out, there will be many more changes coming up. Whew, I better get prepared!
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Good night? It's still up in the air...
Steph and I had a great time last night – a night out in Seattle. We had a fabulous dinner at the Palomino followed by The Lion King at the Paramount Theatre. It was incredible – the costumes and sets were pretty amazing, so creative.
I love going to the theatre – it makes me feel so cultured. I’m really not, but I can fake it alright for a bit. Long enough to enjoy some of the stage, that is.
I was also reminded that it’s always an adventure when Steph and I are together. We started out by wondering around the city for a bit. Seattle’s streets are a little on the crazy side – good luck trying to find your way around if you are from out of town. But after asking 4 different people for directions, we managed to make our reservations at the restaurant and also be seated before the show began.
Afterwards, we made our way back to the ferry terminal only to find out we had just missed the boat and had to wait over an hour for the next one. On to more wondering of the streets… We didn’t head too far though (not too smart for two girls at night), just down to the Ivar’s Fish & Chip stand for something to drink.
When we finally landed on our side of the water and headed back into Poulsbo, we discovered it had been snowing over there. I had almost delivered Steph safely home, but that was before my car decided to have a mind of its own and slam me into the sidewalk just two houses down from hers. It was a sad moment. I have decided that I hate snow. And I want to move somewhere that has snow all winter? Ha! We’ll see how that goes – I may stay in my house all winter!
Here’s to good friends who are great adventure-pals, those who rescue you when you don’t have a drivable car, and to future studded snow tires!
I love going to the theatre – it makes me feel so cultured. I’m really not, but I can fake it alright for a bit. Long enough to enjoy some of the stage, that is.
I was also reminded that it’s always an adventure when Steph and I are together. We started out by wondering around the city for a bit. Seattle’s streets are a little on the crazy side – good luck trying to find your way around if you are from out of town. But after asking 4 different people for directions, we managed to make our reservations at the restaurant and also be seated before the show began.
Afterwards, we made our way back to the ferry terminal only to find out we had just missed the boat and had to wait over an hour for the next one. On to more wondering of the streets… We didn’t head too far though (not too smart for two girls at night), just down to the Ivar’s Fish & Chip stand for something to drink.
When we finally landed on our side of the water and headed back into Poulsbo, we discovered it had been snowing over there. I had almost delivered Steph safely home, but that was before my car decided to have a mind of its own and slam me into the sidewalk just two houses down from hers. It was a sad moment. I have decided that I hate snow. And I want to move somewhere that has snow all winter? Ha! We’ll see how that goes – I may stay in my house all winter!
Here’s to good friends who are great adventure-pals, those who rescue you when you don’t have a drivable car, and to future studded snow tires!
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
New Day
Yes! Finally my little bro is growing up enough to start buying good music, so that I can delight in it as well! That along with stealing Stacey's music collection, and I am the happy owner of some sweet new tunes. So many songs, so little time.
Work is back to normal today - people are actually there and being productive, not just wasting time and watching the clock as almost everyone else is taking crazy amounts of holiday time. Oh wait, maybe that was just me. In any case, I now feel slightly motivated to get some stuff done, especially since I have some deadlines looming. I get rather slack during the holidays at the office, things slow way down and there doesn't seem much point to work very hard. It doesn't help that I am already feel 'short-timers' disease. I'm ready to move on.
The weather is amazing right now - the air is chilly, but it's so clear out with the sun shining brightly. I took a little run after work with my dog in tow. As we approached the downtown area of the quaint Norwegian town that I live in, it was getting pretty dark. I sat down at the waterfront marina watching the last slivers of light fade behind the mountains. I truly live in such a breathtaking place. I was consciously soaking it in, burning that memory into my mind to take it with me as I go on. This place will always be home to me. The place where you feel yourself relax just bit more as you drive into town. I will miss it, but I also know that new adventures await just around the bend.
Work is back to normal today - people are actually there and being productive, not just wasting time and watching the clock as almost everyone else is taking crazy amounts of holiday time. Oh wait, maybe that was just me. In any case, I now feel slightly motivated to get some stuff done, especially since I have some deadlines looming. I get rather slack during the holidays at the office, things slow way down and there doesn't seem much point to work very hard. It doesn't help that I am already feel 'short-timers' disease. I'm ready to move on.
The weather is amazing right now - the air is chilly, but it's so clear out with the sun shining brightly. I took a little run after work with my dog in tow. As we approached the downtown area of the quaint Norwegian town that I live in, it was getting pretty dark. I sat down at the waterfront marina watching the last slivers of light fade behind the mountains. I truly live in such a breathtaking place. I was consciously soaking it in, burning that memory into my mind to take it with me as I go on. This place will always be home to me. The place where you feel yourself relax just bit more as you drive into town. I will miss it, but I also know that new adventures await just around the bend.
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